Today I messed up, and I owe some apologies.
I apologize to the man driving the transfer truck that cut me off at the merge. Me, in a minivan, with two babies. You, in an obvious hurry.
I called you names. Bad names.
I apologize to my boys, strapped into car seats behind me. They heard every word. Words I don’t want them to repeat.
I teach them love without condition and patience and manners all day, and I let a truck smash that to pieces.
I am sorry.
I ask for forgiveness, and I ask God for help, even though it’s late.
And this is me, joining Paul in his letter to the Romans in Chapter 7:
“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” (Verse 15)
I am sorry.
And this is the struggle.
And this is the war. A fight that cuts down to our very own bone and flesh. It is good against evil, and we want our actions for good to win.
“For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.” (Verses 19-20)
And there he is. The villain himself, with his weapon stamped out in three sneaky letters – SIN.
So here comes the question – how can we teach our own children right from wrong when so often we can’t even do it ourselves?
“I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Verse 25)
It is in His name, that is how – JESUS.
To give thanks and seek repentance and find strength in the only one – the Holy one – Jesus. He who already won – Jesus.
And I am sorry. Mommy messes up and more often than I hope you are noticing, but I will not leave it at that.
I hope what you will remember is not the mess up but the apology. Not even the words – I’m sorry, but instead, the acknowledgment of a stumble and heart set and reset on Jesus, the only help to get back up.
I want my children to know I am most sorry, my God, to you.
I am learning that on the road we’re on, it’s our decision to press on. It is our choice to show grace and to show love. It is our decision to be better than bitter and to make an effort that counts for what’s forever. And we don’t have to make that decision alone. Paul says we can’t.
We need Jesus. I thank God for Jesus.
Victory is Jesus.
And with Him, we can keep going. We can press on.