How I See My Sons
I am in love with three fellas. Three handsome, melt-my-heart faces, all with eyes that look down deep inside me and help me see – really see how good life is. I want to hug and hang on and remember how much I am enjoying each day. Because each day, I see the miracle of the Masterpiece they are.
I entitled this post “how I see my sons,” although I would not begin to appreciate the treasure I have found without describing my first love. As quick as that sentence ends, some may expect a rambling dialogue about my incredibly amazing husband (and we will get there), but as I sit here in the quiet now and reflect, I am in full adoration of my God. My Heaveny Father, my Savior Jesus, my King and Best Friend. The Calmer and Lover of my soul, the Holy Spirit within who works all things out. He has revealed His glory in the midst of tragedy and great joy; He has filled my heart with the promise of Home. He made me white as snow and is preparing me for a great supper. He has asked me to help invite guests.
I know what a good man is because of who He is. My God has blessed me with an earthly father and mother who raised me to trust in His unfailing love and have shown me a place of comfort and rest. As the enemy lurks, I have learned that mistakes are easy but can be forgiven. Not me, nor those I love will be perfect, but we can know the One who is. He can make things right again.
In His story and in His time, He introduced me to the Man I call my husband. He vowed to woo, fight for and win my heart, and accept all the mess of me as his prize. I still wonder how I am worthy. And I realize I am not, but that’s the beauty of the real thing. It drys tears, and it cheers, and it reminds you that it is not about you or about them at all. It is not always a fairy tale; mostly, it is not. Yet, there is somehow always a happy ending. It seems that’s how His stories go. I want to be a wife who is worthy of you each day, my Beloved. I love you.
And because of the love of this man, I now have two boys who have captured a piece of my heart. If I can begin to explain how I see you now, my sons…
To our firstborn, our Giant Slayer. You arrived late and big and taught us how to be parents. We rocked with you and danced with you and learned how to give a bath, change diapers fast and feed you. Even in the midst of our chaos, you smiled. You smiled often with your daddy’s dimples, and even though you sometimes try to hide it now, you still do. We had times that were tough, and we were scared, but you were strong. You still are. A bull, a linebacker; on the defense, you cannot be moved. You can fight. You can stand firm. Yet, you still want to be led. You reach up for our hands as we walk toward a new place; you lift up your arms when you hear songs of praise. You watch us sing and worship the One who will not let you go. You look up at us and bend down to kiss our feet. You run over to lay next to your brother and wrap him up in a hug. You pick up his cup that falls and give it back. He watches and grins. You are a role model. You love and will help him learn to love, too. As you fall asleep and stillness stops the busy-ness of the day, remember you are being guarded by the Lover of your Soul, and He will always love you. I thank Him for sharing you with me and ask each day that He help me share His goodness with you. I love you.
Now, to our youngest, our gentle but brave heart. You awake with a smile. You begin the day and take a break and grin some more. Time is easy as you drink up and explore and cuddle so cozy into our arms. You watch. You watch Mommy and you watch Daddy and Brother, too. You study, and you do. You sit up, you fall over, you do it again. Keep it up. Know who to learn from; I pray that you will and that you will be prepared for the purpose designed specifically for you. You coo and you laugh, and we do, too. You cry, and we cannot hurry quick enough to calm you. Yet, you are never alone. Even if the day gets dim and dark, there is a Light that cannot be put out. Shine. As we watch you being passed around to hold like a present, we see the joy you bring to all who are around. A gift. You are the only you, and God sent you to do big things, little guy. I thank Him for the big ways you show me more of His wonder each day. I pray that He help me do the same for you. I love you.
As I reflect on such great gifts, I know there is a choice to be made. How do I want them to see me? By God’s grace, there is really only one option.
“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us.” Ephesians 5:1-2
He is my strength. He is love, the desire of my heart. Forever. More than anything else, I want them to see Him.