It’s my fourth pregnancy, fourth boy. I’m 37 years old and 37 weeks along. Slightly dilated, halfway effaced, and on my 107th bedtime stagger to the bathroom, i was thinking just one thing –
Baby, what’s your name??
We’ve had weeks, months to think about it. We’ve searched baby names, family names; I’ve talked to my tummy to see what’s felt right.
And i still can’t commit.
And i know there’s a reason.
Very likely, these are the last days i will feel little kicks shift around under my skin. The last days our boys will touch my belly and imagine what all God is doing.
These will be the last doctor check up’s where i wait to hear a heart that beats inside and the last times I’ll get those questions about whether another boy or girl is on the way.
And although, I’m giddy and grateful and envisioning the curves of his new baby face, I’m still holding on to this season to savor as long as i can.
And I’m asked if I’m ready.
And i know i have to be.
I know His name will come. God’s prepared it for His book in advance. Just as He knows his story, his whole life long. And mine, too.
And I’ll trust it is far better than anything i could come up with myself. And I’ll trust.
So i will walk back to my bed. And I’ll try to lay down these thoughts running fast in my head. And I’ll try to rest and take confidence that i know —
That Our baby is known Fully. And loved Completely. And this next part of our story will surely affirm the best is still yet to come.
Because even with the unknown and desire to keep hanging on, God knows every detail and is near.
He calls us His beloved. And no name sounds better to my ears.
Known fully. Loved completely, dear child. God already knows you by name. We’re grateful to welcome you here and get to know you, too.
We will see you soon.
Love, Mommy
I ran into a Mommy friend out solo in Target today, and we talked babies, near the shoe aisles. She is a mom to four and shared her experiences naming babies before birth and afterwards. Her sensitivity and understanding of both my desire to enjoy this pregnancy season and still hurry on along to baby’s birthday reminded me that these feelings have purpose. God is growing me, too. My friend’s oldest is preparing for high school graduation, and she explained how she both wanted to hold onto and protect him, all the while, knowing that’s not solely her job. We must be ready to let go. And although, a new birth seems centuries away from a transition to college life, emotions are similar and so strong. We find much of our purpose in carrying them along, comforting and giving thanks for it all. Yet, we must realize that the growth process must take place outside of reach, and trust they are never outside of God’s. What I know for certain is that i can not predict how the next days, weeks, years will unfold for certain. But God knows. When I am weary, He carries me. When I am brave, He affirms He is there. He promises the same for our children as they choose to trust and obey. And no matter what changes – He will not. And we are His. Beloved, we are His.
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