A new post for anyone else who’s found mothering to be hard today.
It’s 2pm, and all I hear are running feet and slamming doors… I don’t remember even a moment to myself since I awoke. Not at breakfast as the oldest two fought for a space on my lap. Not on the toilet, as I had to take full advantage of our toddler’s potty break and potty myself. Not at lunch, once finally made, when our 3 month old decided to wake up and eat, too.
But eventually, nap time comes and for about 15 precious minutes, all three babies are in their beds, and I sit in silence. And in those brief moments, I question whether I’ve done my job well, if I’ve been a good teacher, if I’ve helped them enough or done more wrong than right.
Now it’s 4:26, and I hear a sleepy little cry, and I’m trying to wait it out the best I can. Can’t I ignore it a little longer, just long enough for two more minutes of stillness and a couple more spoonfuls of ice cream?
And his cries turn into coo’s, as a big brother turns in his bed, and I know break time is ending quick and now, so I take a deep breath and ask God to get me up out of the so-called lazy boy and push me onward to the rest of this day and the little voices beckoning me.
And I go first to the crib and pick up his teeny, not yet even two-foot long body… and I fall in love.
He grins that big-dimply grin, as if he’s forgotten having to wait on me at all. And I see grace all across his face.
Soon enough, the voices of his two big brothers chime in, and I begin the juggling routine of – who to hold – and – for how long – to make sure everyone feels my arms, my love wrapped around them just long enough.
Oh, how they are all just begging for that — to be held in love. Just as I am.
And I’m frustrated I only have two arms to carry all three, and I’m irritated that their tears turn into tantrums, and I don’t think I’m smart enough to solve the situation, and i know I’m not calm enough to calm them down… and then the answer comes like a superhero sent to save me–
The kids aren’t mine.
Let me clarify, the three little boys, who have each taken residence in my womb and now my home, are all my sons. They’ve been entrusted to me by God to help teach and train up to know Him and grow in His love and share it.
But that’s just it — it’s all about Him — not me. They are His kids. Just like I am. And He has promised to carry them in His arms even when mine are full.
“He tends His flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart. He gently leads those who have young.” Isaiah 40:11
He has promised to guide me, too. So I begin to sing a melody we all know about how Jesus loves us, because the Bible tells us so. And peace and patience come.
Even on the days when all I can manage to do is trip over Legos and baby gates and my own wayward feet, I am reminded that it’s not my commission to be in control of it all. But it is my calling and my command to direct them to our God who is— our Heavenly Father — who gave His only Son Jesus to adopt us all who are willing into His family, to be His children.
And because of this great love, I can surrender and serve and seek out the meaningful among the mundane. And I can sing Jesus Loves Me and talk to God with them and make each day count, because I know it matters. And with each prayer, I thank God for the time we get to share together, because I know it is going fast.
It is all a gift — a priceless gift — He shares with me. And even when the days are difficult, I can’t say thank you enough.
With abundant gratitude,
Friends, many days have past since my last post, because living with three children three-years-old and under is EXHAUSTING. Just as it was when I was learning to parent my first son, with God’s help, I am developing myself to better steward and enjoy these incredible gifts He is so gracious to share with us. Please be encouraged as I am that the more we ask of God to guide us, the more He will. Even on the hard days, we can find rest and relief when we trust and try our best. Our calling is to make disciples, which include our families. Thank God that He promises He is with us – always. Read more on our Great Commission in Matthew 28: 16-20 and let us take heart in knowing God has big plans in store.