The Pregnant Me.
It was Valentine’s Day, and after the chocolates and the love notes, we gave our boys one more gift.
They rushed over, tissue paper flying, and they pulled out a teeny onesie and asked confused — mommy, who’s this for??
And we said – your new baby brother or sister!! Mommy’s having another baby!!
And smiles stretched across their still-baby faces, and i felt three sets of brotherly arms reach around me, and love was in the air and new life joyfully beginning.
I took the pregnancy test the month before. After several negative results prior, the cross appeared, and we knew God wasn’t finished adding to us.
And joy and tears and later a trio of big brothers rushed into our bedroom unsuspecting that same afternoon, holding pretend babies, with imaginary diapers they asked to change.
They never play with plush dolls and they weren’t told about the baby, yet their hearts unknowingly were already preparing for what’s to come. God knew.
And the pregnant me has had plenty of time to think on these things.
This first trimester has been the hardest I’ve had. So many tears and yucky feelings. And coming down from a high dosage of anxiety medication to now taking none.
My three preschoolers are my exercise, chasing and cleaning and hauling off wet mattresses to strip, wash and change.
I’ve had upset tummy and upset emotions and thoughts that don’t at all match the smiley me the pictures show. I’ve wondered why such a season of joy can come under attack so easily, then my Bible reminds me not to be so surprised.
The pregnant me has had friends rally around me, volunteer to feed my family, to come play with my kids, to text and remind me that sitting in bed alone in my room matters even if I feel like I’m failing at everything — all because new baby needs me, too.
The pregnant me feels older. Yet, fiercely determined to delight in this season — rejoicing in each good test result and trusting in what’s to come.
I’ve smiled at friends and strangers who’ve wondered if “maybe this one’s a girl?” And i even wondered it myself. But a blue gender reveal means boy, and I’m honored to raise up another. And yet, still praying to become a girl Mom, in God’s time, when our first son to marry welcomes his bride by his side. I’m praying and giving thanks already for these daughters, too.
I’ve ached for mothers who no longer have babies here on Earth to hold, I’ve prayed for mothers by name often. I’ve prayed for adoptions and for new lives, and I’ve cried tears overwhelmed with joy when positive results came. A mother’s love is mighty and connected.
The pregnant me is more sensitive to the bumps and bruises of this world, as I’m so keenly aware of how easy it is for one of my own babes to fall and get hurt. I want to be an encouragement, a place to rest, a reminder that what is to come will be more than worth it.
And this promise is God’s promise to me today. The good, the yucky, the weepy and sleepy — all pale in comparison to the work God is hammering out in me and knitting together inside.
And the pregnant me will stop this post and savor and soak it up. Just as we all should — no matter the season we’re in. We must be encouraged. God is at work now, dear one. No matter the circumstance. No matter the wait. God is at work. In the easy and the hard.
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Phillipians 1:6
A prayer for us all and for the littlest growing inside now.
I’m forever grateful to be the pregnant me.
We are rejoicing!! And have been, even with the hard and heavy, since January when that test told us another baby has come. And even though i haven’t felt my best, i know this is one of the best gifts I’ll ever have. I’m so grateful for a husband who has carried more than his load while I’ve carried this child and for a community who says they love us — and shows it. If you know a mother who is grieving, who is expecting, welcoming a newborn or chasing toddlers, take a moment and pray for them, encourage them, let them know they are doing a mighty thing. No matter where you find yourself today, in the sunlight or the shadows, know that you are not alone. We have a friend who has proven His love time and again and shown us a better way. A way to be grateful in the good and grieve with a focus on forever. We must never look away. He will carry us. Always. Lord, help us to follow your lead and search your Word to find our footing. On Christ, the solid Rock, i stand. Lord, help us to be strong, to be on guard, to be prepared to never give up or give in. Help us remember you stood in the bull’s eye first. Your love is greater. In whatever battle we face today, your love wins.
“10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
14 Stand firm then,
with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” Ephesians 6:10-18