It all starts on Monday. Up before I want to be. Hurrying to eat, hurrying to feed babies, hurrying to negotiate.
Incentives I offer, so I can change diapers. Rewards for slipping clean clothes over messy heads and sitting still long enough for me to velcro such small shoes. TV shows, train table, snacks; applause and a hug thank you for when they listen and obey. Being proud and telling them.
There are also many reminders of what we do Not do and why we do Not do them and the words “time out” when they do them anyway. Trying not to raise my voice when they raise theirs; trying not to huff and puff when they do. Not always being proud of my actions and regretting them.
We learn, we work, and we play; we eat, sleep and do it all again. Grace and thanksgiving in each new day.
In the midst of it all, something else is taking place, and it whispers a question in my ear – what about you? You will not certainly forget you, will you?
Now I’m not saying this question is always from a bad place. Often, it is not. Scripture tells us of a time and place for everything – to be still, to rest, to fellowship with our Father, to enjoy His goodness and glory. It is necessary, and it is good.
However, there is a snake in the garden.
This weekend, my husband and I, both tired from a week of much to do and little sleep, each had our own list of objectives to accomplish, our ideas of how to put the weekend to work for us.
I intended to do my chores, to write some thoughts, to take care of the kids, to dry my hair, to organize my desk, to decorate our den.
He intended to do his chores, to assemble a new project, to take care of the kids, to watch some sports, to follow his teams.
4pm came, and I managed to only complete the everyday list I always do: chores, kids, scribble some notes as they nap.
He started his project; he watched his sports; he checked on his teams. He helped me, yet, I still felt disappointed.
Isn’t is Saturday? Saturday is for me.
Stop. Hold tight. Who put such an idea in my head, in my heart?
The epiphany came with the clothes I was folding.
Work. It is a part of life – a life that we asked for when Eve and Adam first bit that apple. We long for an easy, painless life because the human heart was designed for it.
But we desired to know both good AND evil.
We listened to the snake. We took the apple. We ate.
And now we must contend with ourselves. The voice inside that asks – what about me? My rest, my list, my time. The voice that tugs on a toy or on a plastic cup or a baby shoe, instead of sharing and says “mine.”
Sigh, what now.
Go back to God. Run back.
We can take that pause, whether 15 seconds, 15 minutes or longer and let God do what we could not do in the first place. Be our all. Be who He already is – bigger than ourselves. Be victorious. Be strong. Be enough. We just have to come back and want Him more.
At least that’s what I’m learning from His Word. He can handle all our needs and our to-do lists and our wants, and he can replace our love for self with an overwhelming love for others, because of our love for Him. Because of His first love for us.
Because even though we regrettably asked for all this work and pain, evil and exhaustion, He says, He can make it all right again if we let Him.
And so I can say —
Today will be about me
And how I can better help my husband.
Today will be about me
And how I can better teach my children.
Today will be about me
And how I can better love my friends.
Today will be about me
And how I can best serve my God.
Because in the end, our days are fleeting, but they will be worth something.
Every single one of them. I want them to be worth something to more than just me.
“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God,knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:4-5
“But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ! Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people,so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners,so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous. The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death,so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 5:15-21
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