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How Do You Spell EpiPen?

Our 2-year-old had an allergy test at his doctor’s appointment this week. His pediatrician called today with the results. I didn’t make it to the phone in time, so I stood at our kitchen counter waiting on the nurse’s computer to boot up when I dialed them back.

Then she started talking, and I started jotting it down, but all I heard was EpiPen, and I sunk a little inside.

I had to Google the spelling, when I texted some of my family members the report.

The good news – no, the GREAT news – is that he only tested positive for a mild reaction to a few common food allergy triggers at present. Thank you, Lord! I’ve seen the commercials; I’ve scrolled down Facebook enough to read stories of struggle that are real.

The nurse gave little direction, so within the next fifteen minutes, I had already read one pediatric allergy article online and messaged two friends with food allergy babies to ask advice.

Did I do something wrong? I don’t have food allergies; my husband doesn’t. Was it my diet during pregnancy or something else I did?

“Get behind me, satan.” Matthew 6:23

I am anxiety prone. I often “feel” my body and wonder what’s normal and what’s not. It is difficult to shake off bad memories and troubling scenarios. This over-sensitivity is not something I want to pass on, so I have to be careful not to look too puzzled when I listen especially close to him breathe or cough. I want to protect him.

I will do my best.

The reality is, every single time I sense fear snarling it’s ugly face at me, I am given a choice.

Will I trust God or not?

Jesus said, “My prayer is not that you would take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.” John 17:15

I have started a new women’s Bible study on this very topic, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Could I – worrisome me – be included in the Hebrews 11 Heros of Faith chapter for God’s glory?

There is no way to know, be it not for days like today and learning how to spell EpiPen and how to raise a happy, healthy boy, who might actually need it one day.

I surrender all.

I trust and will obey and seek more of You, Lord.

I will find my joy and hope and help in You.

I will use all that God has given me to do the best He’s enabled me, and I will choose to trust He is working it all out for His great redemption plan.

After the phone call, my 2-year-old lounged happily in my lap, trying to form new words in between sweet kisses. Instead of feeling scared, confused, frozen; I feel peace. I am on his level, and I see love in his eyes.

I know, one day, it will have all gone too fast. The moment we’re living in – that very moment – will be all that matters. I am learning that it is time to live like we believe, and whether we may need an EpiPen or not, we need our Savior. We need Jesus.

So in this moment, I choose to believe the One who made my son and myself perfectly in His sight.

I will watch him play with his trains and run outside and smile as he does. Wonderful, indeed.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

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