To The Mommy Who’s Cried These Tears
1pm, 10pm, 3am, 7:30am.
I’m getting used to keeping times.
He coughs in his sleep, and I listen closely for my name – “mommy.”
He is two months short of three, yet, his life is so big. He hugs his baby brother, tells me he loves me, sings and bows his head for prayers.
He weighed 9 lbs 2 oz at birth, with a belly still round and full today.
Yet, he is tender. Tender hearted, sensitive like his mommy. Bashful with a whisper of words until his comfort zone is reached.
He fights for comfort, and I pray for it. Especially now, during these times that run from day to night and day again with little difference.
He is a fighter. He has always been. As an infant, he scratched itchy skin, as I begged God for relief from irritation so severe, it left his baby face scabbed. Days and weeks and months passed with little difference.
Yet, it came – the day I first noticed improvement. As prayers were answered, a miracle was made. I will not forget it.
And so today comes. We face new medication for allergies and asthmatic tendencies and keep times for breathing treatments on the calendar, and I ask for another. Another miracle.
I ask for God to take His story and use it in beautiful, restorative, powerful ways. I ask for peace and provision and for Him to carry a burden I cried about, behind shaded glasses, in the car.
I ask for God to turn my tears into gladness and crush my fears like a snake.
As I am learning such redemption is a miracle made available by Christ alone. Bad made good. War already won.
The doctor suggests a new medicine. It may be the answer. It may affect his behavior. The warnings printed on the package are big and bold, and my heart is pierced by them.
Yet, I know who has rescued my heart and who indwells it. I know who set his little boy heart to beat and loves it. Even more than I do.
And so I will give my heart to Him again this day. I will let Him take that little heart I want to protect from the slightest sneeze and fill it full with mercy and grace and strength and power and a peace that passes all understanding. I pray for such things silently and when his little ears can hear.
I don’t want him to miss the miracle.
If you find yourself in a season of wonder or concern, being pressed from many sides, hiding tears on the car ride, join this fight with me. Our mountains are all big, and we need help to conquer each one.
Grieve when needed. Then fight.
Fight the temptation to give up or give in. Fight the accusations or guilt that creeps in. Fight the anger or pity or worry that can destroy. Because evil is defeated, no matter the ploy.
And we can stand.
“A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.]17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.” Ephesians 6:10-18
Mommies, we can dry eyes (even when it’s our own) and wipe noses and jot down times on a calendar to keep track. And we can always remember the days we made it through as we look ahead and look back. We can pray.
And know a miracle was in the making; if we trust He is true. Because, His ways are higher and bigger, and He is always right here with you. Always, He is here with you.
I will teach, and I will remember, and I will trust the Man who said:
“I am with you always.” Matthew 28:20
Thank you, gracious, heavenly Father. Thank you for Jesus and a love that endures all of our hard and fills our joy and helps us to stand.
In Jesus’ name, I will pray and give thanks for all who pray with me.
Friends, be encouraged this day that God Himself says He will never leave us. He gives us a specific action plan of armor to help us face each struggle we encounter, and we can rest and hope in the miracle of such grace. No matter how big or seemingly small the world may perceive our challenges, each matter to our Heavenly Father. Each tear matters to Him. He can turn water into wine and wine into His blood-bought plan for rescue and redemption. We must Only Trust Him.